Gosssip

Gossssssip

All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and sea creatures are being tamed and have been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It’s a restless evil, full of deadly poison. (James 3:7-8)

Gossip – even the word hisses. Gossip is talking about a situation with someone who’s neither part of the problem nor part of the solution. And gossip’s everywhere. It’s in texts, and on Twitter, Facebook and Snapchat. It’s nothing new; it just spreads more quickly these days. Gossip’s been around since the beginning of time, and its list of victims is endless.

The book of Proverbs has a lot to say about the subject. “A troublemaker plants seeds of strife; gossip separates the best of friends.” (Prov. 16:28) “The tongue can bring death or life, and those who love to talk will reap the consequences.” (Prov. 18:21) “A gossip goes around telling secrets, so don’t hang around with chatterers.” (Prov. 20:19) Those are just a few of the Proverbs’ many truths.

The Hebrew language used in the Proverbs employs two different words for gossip. The first, rakel, means “spy” or “informer.” The second, nirgan, means “whisperer” or “backbiter.” But both describe the same person: someone who specializes in saying nothing in such a way that it leaves practically nothing left unsaid.

The book of Psalms has a lot to say about gossip, too. The interesting thing about the Psalms, however, is the choice of words used to describe the tongue: words like, “dagger,” “sword,” “poisonous tip,” “arrows,” and “death and destruction,” to name a few. And the inescapable conclusion when you read the totality of what the Psalms have to say about the subject is that the tongue has the power to destroy lives. The problem is that words like “dagger,” “sword” and “poisonous-tipped arrows” aren’t part of our current vernacular.

So, what if we used current events to describe the carnage that gossip can cause? “The tongue is like a suicide bomber who blows himself up in a market full of innocent people.” Or, “The tongue is like a kid from the lunatic fringe who walks into a school and begins spraying bullets all over the place.” Maybe, “The tongue is like a sniper who uses a silencer and assassinates from a distance so his victim never knows what hit him.” Gruesome, but better?

Maybe the reason God used such vivid imagery is that we don’t give a lot of thought to the devastation our tongue can leave in its wake. But if you’ve been its victim, you know its destructive effects first-hand. Jesus’ half-brother, James, knew too well the effects that gossip had on his older brother.

“But a tiny spark can set a great forest on fire. And the tongue is a flame of fire. It is a whole world of wickedness, corrupting your entire body. It can set your whole life on fire, for it is set on fire by hell itself.” (James 3:5-6) Living in Ramona, I’ve seen what fires can do. They cause massive destruction, and are usually started by a very small spark – like sparks from a flare, or even a downed power line. And like a movie trailer for a bad horror flick, James says that the tongue can set your whole life on fire since it’s set on fire from hell itself. Sadly, gossip wouldn’t get any traction if it didn’t have an audience. So, to escape being part of the crowd, here’s some folks you might want to avoid.

The first type is the “Prayer Request” gossip. This is the person who, when prayers are requested, says, “You know, poor Don has been on my heart, lately. I saw him last week. I think he was coming out of that adult video place, the F Street Bookstore? And, I just couldn’t believe my eyes. I mean, his family’s falling apart and he’s hooked on cocaine! I think he could really use our prayers right about now.” Touching. But prayer is neither the time nor the place to share information that others don’t need, or even want to know. God knows; that’s enough.

The next type is the “Bless Their Heart” gossip. This is the person who has something mean to say, but doesn’t want to appear like they’re actually gossiping. So, they punctuate their comments with, "Bless Their Heart." As in, “You know Bill? Well, his wife left him because he ran up their charge cards behind her back. And then, to make matters worse, I heard he got fired from his job and didn’t even bother to tell her! Bless his heart, he's trying as best he can." Don’t be fooled. Using the phrase, “bless their heart,” is just gossip dressed up in the pretense of a concern. It’s not some sort of pet, religious phrase that magically justifies sin.

A third type is the “Chit-Chat,” or “News Flash” gossip. This is the person who just loves to talk because … well … they just love to talk. It’s kind of like an occupation for them. So, while some people go to work, these gossips talk for a living. They say stuff like, “Did you hear that Frank’s parents are fighting again?” Or, “Do you know about Joanne? Her marriage is really struggling.” Or, “I hear Shawna is pregnant.” They talk about the neighbors; they talk about the grocery store clerks; they talk about the auto mechanic; they talk – incessantly. Even worse, the “News Flash” gossip isn’t particularly concerned about accuracy. They just feel that it’s their duty to inform, regardless of whether it’s true. The phrase, “fake news,” comes to mind.

The last is the more macho, “I’m Just Telling You The Truth” gossip. This is the person who says something like, “I’m just telling you the truth. If they didn’t want anybody to know, they wouldn’t have said anything, right?” But just because something’s true doesn’t mean they have permission to share it with others – it’s still potentially harmful, or hurtful. And if the gossip is simply trying to be the first one to share some “juicy little morsel,” their motives are bad and they shouldn’t be sharing the information. Period.

Apparently, the church in Ephesus had a problem with gossip, and here’s what Paul had to say: “Don’t let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs.” (Ephesians 4:29) Gossip’s not an option. We should be asking questions like “Where does he hurt?” or “How can I help?” instead. Then, once answered, words of hope and encouragement can be crafted and shared with that person, rather than whispering words of destruction about that person to the curious. Words should be used to build people up; not tear them down. The point is to talk to them, not about them.

So, instead of sharing Don’s dirty laundry through the façade of a prayer request, imagine actually going to Don, finding out about his needs and then speaking words that will build him up. Or, instead of “bless(ing) his heart,” while leaving his reputation in a smoldering ash heap, how about going to Bill and offering him hope? And, instead of “just telling the truth” about someone, how about just giving it a rest?

Imagine if we actually talked to people instead of about people. Although some say that talk’s cheap, it’s not. The fact is that loose talk can change a life forever – and not necessarily for the good. Unfortunately, there are still those who will believe anything if it’s whispered. But the truth is that if it’s not said, it can’t be spread. It’s not that complicated.

Yiddish folklore recounts a story about a man who had told so many malicious untruths about his local rabbi that, overcome with remorse, he begged the rabbi for forgiveness. "Rabbi, please tell me how I can make amends." The rabbi replied, "Take two down pillows to the public square and cut the pillows open. Then, wave them in the air and come back when you’re done." Figuring the exercise had something to do with forgiveness, the man sprinted home, got two pillows and a knife, and rushed back to the square. There, he cut the pillows open and waved them wildly in the air. When he had finished, he raced back to the rabbi. "I did just what you asked, Rabbi!" "Good," the rabbi smiled. "Now, to see how much harm gossip can cause, go back to the square...." "And?" the man asked breathlessly. "… and collect all the feathers,” answered the Rabbi.

It maims without killing, and gathers strength with age. The more often it’s quoted, the more it’s believed. It has no name and no face, and the harder you try to track it down, the more elusive it becomes. Its name is gossip. What’s yours?

Grace,

Randy