Gossip

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All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and sea creatures are being tamed and have been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It’s a restless evil, full of deadly poison. (James 3:7-8)

Gossip – even the word hisses, doesn’t it? I think Rick Warren defined gossip pretty well: it’s talking about a situation with someone who’s neither a part of the problem nor a part of the solution. Gossip’s everywhere. It’s on our mobile phones, it’s in text messages, and it’s even in our e-mails. But gossip’s not some recent, technological phenomenon – it just gets spread faster. Gossip’s been around since the beginning of time, and the list of its victims is endless.

For instance, toward the end of his political career, Winston Churchill attended an official ceremony at the House of Commons. Seated several rows behind him were two Members of Parliament who began to whisper about the aging Prime Minister. "They say he’s getting senile," said one. “I know,” said the other. "They say he should step aside and leave the running of the nation to more dynamic and capable men." When the ceremony was over, Churchill got up, turned to the men and politely said, "Gentlemen, they also say that he’s deaf!"

The book of Proverbs has a lot to say about the subject. For instance, “A gossip goes around telling secrets, but those who are trustworthy can keep a confidence.” (Proverbs 11:13) “A troublemaker plants seeds of strife; gossip separates the best of friends.” (Proverbs 16:28) Also, “The tongue can bring death or life, and those who love to talk will reap the consequences.” (Proverbs 18:21) “A gossip goes around telling secrets, so don’t hang around with chatterers.” (Proverbs 20:19) And this, “Fire goes out without wood, and quarrels disappear when gossip stops.” (Proverbs 26:20)  These are just a few of Proverbs’ many truths.

Interestingly, the Hebrew language used in Proverbs employs two different words for gossip. The first, רָכִיל, pronounced rä·kēl', means “slanderer,” or “informer.” The second, נִרְגָּן, pronounced nēr·gän', means “murmurer,” “whisperer,” or “backbiter.” But both describe the same person: someone who specializes in saying nothing in such a way that it leaves practically nothing left unsaid. But Proverbs isn’t the only book that addresses gossip. Not by a long-shot.

The book of Psalms has a lot to say about gossip, too. The interesting thing about the Psalms, however, is the choice of words used to describe the tongue: words like, “dagger,” “sword,” “poisonous tip,” “arrows,” and “death and destruction,” to name a few. And the inescapable conclusion, when you read the totality of what the Psalms have to say about the subject, is that the tongue has the power to destroy lives. Problem is, words like “dagger,” and “sword” and “poisonous-tipped arrows” are kind of old school, aren’t they? I mean, who thinks in those terms anymore?

So, what if we used current events to describe the carnage that gossip can cause? For instance, how about, “The tongue is like a suicide bomber who blows himself up in a preschool full of innocent children.” Or maybe, “The tongue is like a kid from the lunatic fringe who walks into a school cafeteria and begins spraying bullets all over the place.” Or how about this? “The tongue is like a sniper who uses a silencer and assassinates from a distance so his victim never knows what hit him.” Is that better? Or has the news of suicide bombings, and the Columbines and S.W.A.T. actions become so commonplace that we’re just numb? God help us if that’s true.

Maybe the reason that God used such vivid imagery is that, frankly, we don’t give a lot of thought to the devastation our tongue can leave in its wake. But if you’ve been its victim, you know first-hand of its destructive effects. One of the lengthier passages on the subject was penned by Jesus’ half-brother, James, where he said:

We can make a large horse go wherever we want by means of a small bit in its mouth. And a small rudder makes a huge ship turn wherever the pilot chooses to go, even though the winds are strong. In the same way, the tongue is a small thing that makes grand speeches.

But a tiny spark can set a great forest on fire. And the tongue is a flame of fire. It is a whole world of wickedness, corrupting your entire body. It can set your whole life on fire, for it is set on fire by hell itself.

People can tame all kinds of animals, birds, reptiles, and fish, but no one can tame the tongue. It is restless and evil, full of deadly poison. Sometimes it praises our Lord and Father, and sometimes it curses those who have been made in the image of God. And so blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth. Surely, my brothers and sisters, this is not right! Does a spring of water bubble out with both fresh water and bitter water? Does a fig tree produce olives, or a grapevine produce figs? No, and you can’t draw fresh water from a salty spring. (James 3:3-12)

Living in Ramona, I’ve seen what fires can do. They cause massive destruction, but are usually started by a very small spark – like sparks from a flare, or even a downed power line. And like a movie trailer for a bad horror flick, James says that the tongue is like a fire – a world of wickedness that corrupts a person by setting their life on fire from hell itself. Ughhhhh.

Sadly, gossip wouldn’t get any traction if it didn’t have an audience. So, if we don’t want to be a part of that audience, how do we recognize a gossip? Well, again, if you’re talking about a situation with someone who’s not a part of the problem or a part of the solution, you’re probably talking with a gossip. But, if that’s a little too vague and you’re still having trouble spotting one, here are a few examples.

The first type is the “Prayer Request” gossip. This is the person who, when prayers are requested, says, “You know, poor Don has been on my heart, lately. I saw him last week. I think he was coming out of that adult video place, the F Street Bookstore? And, I just couldn’t believe my eyes. I mean, his family’s falling apart and he’s hooked on cocaine! I think he could really use our prayers right about now.” Touching.

But prayer is supposed to be a time of building our relationship with God and encouraging others to advance His kingdom. Prayer is neither the time nor the place to share information that others don’t need, or even want to know. God knows, and that’s enough.

The next type is the “Bless Their Heart” gossip. This is the person who has something kind of mean to say, but doesn’t want to appear like they’re actually gossiping. So, they punctuate their comments with, "Bless Their Heart." As in, “You know Bill? Well, his wife left him because he ran up their charge cards behind her back. And then, to make matters worse, I heard he got fired from his job and didn’t even bother to tell her! Bless his heart, he's trying as best he can." Don’t be fooled. Using the phrase, “bless their heart,” is just gossip dressed up in the pretense of “concern.” It’s not some sort of pet, religious phrase that magically justifies sin.

A third type is the “Chit-Chat,” or “News Flash” gossip. This is the person who just loves to talk because … well … they just love to talk. It’s kind of like an occupation for them. So, while some people go to work, these gossips talk for a living. They say stuff like, “Did you hear that Frank’s parents are fighting again?” Or, “Do you know about Joanne? Her marriage is really struggling.” Or, “I hear Shawna is pregnant.” They talk about the neighbors; they talk about the grocery store clerks; they talk about the auto mechanic; they talk, talk, talk, talk, talk … Ahhhh! Even worse, the “News Flash” gossip isn’t particularly concerned about accuracy. They just feel that it’s their duty to inform – regardless of whether it’s true.

Last, but not least, is the more macho, “I’m Just Telling You The Truth” gossip. This is the person who says something like, “I’m just telling you the truth. If they didn’t want anybody to know, they wouldn’t have said anything, right? So, I’m just throwin’ it out there.” But just because something’s true isn’t the same as getting permission to share it with others – it’s still potentially harmful, or hurtful. And if the gossip is sharing the information for the purpose of hurting someone, or tainting their reputation, or simply just to be the first to share some “juicy little morsel,” their motives are bad and they shouldn’t be sharing the information. Period.

Apparently, the church in Ephesus had a problem with gossip, and here’s what Paul had to say: “Don’t let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs.” (Ephesians 4:29) In other words, gossip’s not an option here. Questions like, “What does she need?” or, “Where does he hurt?” or, “How can I help?” should be asked, instead. Then, once answered, words of hope and encouragement can be crafted and shared with that person, rather than whispering words of destruction to the curious about that person. Words should be used to build people up; not tear them down. The point is to talk to them, not about them.

So, instead of sharing Don’s dirty laundry through the facade of a prayer request, imagine actually going to Don, finding out about his needs and then speaking words that will build him up. Or, instead of “bless(ing) his heart,” while leaving his reputation in a smoldering ash heap, how ‘bout going to Bill and offering him hope? And, instead of “just telling the truth” about someone, how ‘bout just giving it a rest?!

Imagine if we actually talked to people instead of about people. Although some say that talk’s cheap, it’s not. The fact is that loose talk can change a life forever – and not necessarily for the good. Unfortunately, there are still those who will believe anything if it’s whispered. But the truth is that if it’s not said, it can’t be spread. It’s that simple.

Yiddish folklore recounts a story about a man who had told so many malicious untruths about his local rabbi that, overcome with remorse, he begged the rabbi for forgiveness. "Rabbi, please tell me how I can make amends." The rabbi replied, "Take two pillows to the public square and cut the pillows open. Then, wave them in the air and come back when you’re done."

Figuring the exercise had something to do with forgiveness, the man sprinted for home, got two pillows and a knife, and rushed back to the square. There, he cut the pillows open and waved them wildly in the air. When he had finished, he raced back to the rabbi. "I did just what you asked, Rabbi!" "Good," the rabbi smiled. "Now, to see how much harm gossip causes, go back to the square...." "And?" the man asked breathlessly. "… and collect all the feathers.”

So, the next time you’re listening to someone talk about a situation and you know they’re neither part of the solution nor part of the problem, “T.H.I.N.K.” before you respond, if at all. At least that’s what Alan Redpath recommends in, A Passion for Preaching. In dealing with a congregation that had problems with gossip, he came up with following acrostic:

“T” – is it True? “H” – is it Helpful? “I” – is it Inspiring? “N” – is it Necessary? “K” – is it Kind?

            I’ll leave you with this – it’s called, Who am I?

I have no respect for justice. I maim without killing. I break hearts and ruin lives. I’m cruel and malicious and gather strength with age. The more I am quoted, the more I’m believed. I flourish at every level of society. My victims are helpless. They cannot protect themselves against me because I have no name and no face. To track me down is impossible. The harder you try, the more elusive I become. I'm nobody's friend. Once I tarnish a reputation, it’s never the same. I topple governments and ruin marriages. I destroy careers and cause heartache and sleepless nights. I wreck churches and separate Christians. I spawn suspicion and generate grief, making innocent people cry on their pillows. Even my name hisses. I am gossip. (Unknown)

            Maybe the better question is, “Who are you?”

Grace,

Randy