Victimhood
The older son was in the field, and as he came closer to the house, he heard the sound of music and dancing. So he called to one of the servants and asked what all this meant. The servant said, "Your brother has come back, and your father killed the fat calf, because your brother came home safely." The older son was angry and would not go in to the feast. (Luke 15:25-28)
Ah, the case of the older son. It’s a difficult one because he looked so good. He kept his room straight, and his nose clean. He played by the rules, and paid all his dues. His resume? Impeccable. His credit? Squeaky clean. And his loyalty? Well, while his brother was out sowing his wild oats, he stayed home and sowed the family’s crops. On the outside he was everything a father could want in a son. But on the inside? Well, he was sour and hollow. Overcome by jealousy. Consumed by anger. Blinded by his victimhood.
You remember the story, don’t you? It's perhaps the best known of Jesus’ parables. It's actually the third of three stories in Luke 15; three stories about three parties. The first began after a shepherd found a sheep he'd lost. He had ninety-nine others, and he could have been content to write this one off as a loss. But shepherds don't think like businessmen. So, he searched for it. And when he found the sheep, he carried it back to the flock, cut the best grass for the sheep to eat, and had a party to celebrate. The second party was held on the front porch of a modest house. A housewife had lost a coin. It wasn't her only coin, mind you, but you would have thought it was by the way she acted. She moved the furniture, got out the dust mop and swept the whole house until she found it. And when she did, she ran shouting into the cul-de-sac and invited her neighbors over for a party to celebrate.
Then there’s the story of the lost son. The boy who broke his father's heart by taking his inheritance and taking off. He trades his dignity for drugs and booze, and his self-respect for a pigpen. Then comes the son's sorrow and his decision to go home. He hopes his dad will just give him a job on the farm, and maybe an apartment over the garage. What he finds is a father who has kept his place set at the table, and the porch light on every night. The father is so excited to see his son, he throws a party. And we party-loving prodigals love what that dad did, but it infuriated the older brother. "The older son was angry," (Luke 15:28) and it's not hard to see why.
"So this is how a guy gets recognition in this family: get drunk, go broke, get busy with prostitutes and you get a party. Really?" So he sat outside the house and pouted. I’ve done that. In fact, one time, I pouted at a party. It was a Christmas party. I was in the third grade, and third graders take parties very seriously, especially when gifts are involved. Weeks before, the class had drawn names. But since you didn't know who had your name, you had to drop hints very loudly. Well, I didn't miss a chance. I wanted a "Sixth Finger" – a toy pistol that fit in the palm of your hand and looked like an extra finger. No, I’m not making that up.
Well, finally the day came to open the gifts. I just knew I was going to get my pistol. Everyone in the class had heard my hints – I’d made sure of that. So, I tore into the wrapping and ripped open the box and there it was . . . stationery. Stationery? Yes, western-style stationery. Paper and envelopes with horses in the corners. Probably left over from the Christmas before. Now, everyone knows that eight-year-old boys don't write letters. I mean, what was my gift-giver thinking? No doubt some mom had forgotten all about the gift exchange until that morning. So, she desperately went to the closet, looked through the box labeled, “Regifting,” and came out with the stationery. I was distraught. I was upset. Who wouldn’t be? So, I missed the party. Oh, I was present, but I pouted.
So did the older brother in our story. He, too, felt he was a victim of inequity. When his father came out to meet him, the son started at the top, listing the atrocities of his life. To hear him talk about it, his woes apparently began the day he was born. "I have served you like a slave for many years and have always obeyed your commands. But you never gave me even a young goat to have at a feast with my friends. But your other son, who wasted all your money on prostitutes, comes home, and you kill the fat calf for him!" (Luke 15:29-30). Maybe both sons spent time in the pigpen. One in the pen of rebellion, the other in the pen of self-pity. The younger one had come home; the older one, apparently, hadn’t. He's still in the slop. He’s saying the same thing you said when the kid down the street got a bicycle and you didn't: It's not fair.
That's what Wanda Holloway said. When it looked like her fourteen-year-old daughter wouldn't get chosen for the cheerleading squad, Wanda got angry. So, she decided to get even. She hired a hit man to kill the mother of her daughter's chief competitor, hoping to so upset the girl that Wanda's daughter would make the squad. Bitterness will do that to you. It'll cause you to burn your house down to kill a rat. Fortunately, her plan failed and Wanda Holloway was caught. She was sentenced to fifteen years. She didn't have to be put behind bars to be imprisoned, however. Bitterness is its own prison. Black and cold, bitterness denies easy escape. The sides are slippery with resentment. A floor of muddy anger mucks at the feet. The stench of betrayal fills the air and stings the eyes. A cloud of self-pity and victimhood blocks the view of the tiny exit above.
Just step inside and look at the prisoners. Victims are chained to the walls. Victims of betrayal. Victims of abuse. Victims of the government, the system, the military, the world. They lift their chains as they lift their voices and wail loud and long. They grumble. They're angry at others who got what they didn't. They sulk. The world is against them, they accuse. The pictures of their enemies are darted to the wall. They whine, "Nobody listens to me. Nobody remembers me. Nobody cares about me." Angry. Sullen. Accusatory. Arrogant. Whiny. Put them all together in one word and it spells victimhood.
The dungeon, deep and dark, is beckoning you to enter, too. You can, you know. You've experienced enough hurt, haven’t you? You've been betrayed enough times. You have a history of rejections, don't you? Haven't you been left out, left behind, or left out in the cold? You’re a candidate for the dungeon. And you can choose, like many, to chain yourself to your hurt. Or you can choose, like some, to put away your hurts before they become hates. You can choose to go to the party. You have a place there. Your name is on the placard beside your plate. If you’re a child of God, no one can take away your place as your Father’s child.
Which is precisely what the father said to the older son: "Son, you are always with me, and all that I have is yours." (Luke 15:31) Interestingly, that is precisely what the Father says to you. How does God deal with your bitter heart? He reminds you that what you have is more important than what you don't. You still have your relationship with God. No one can take that. No one can touch it. Your health can be taken and your money stolen. But your place at God's table is permanent. The brother was bitter because he focused on what he didn't have and forgot what he did have. His father reminded him, and us, that he had everything he'd always had. He had his job. His place. His name. His inheritance. The only thing he didn't have was the spotlight. And because he wasn't content to share it, he missed the party.
It takes courage to set aside jealousy and rejoice with the achievements of a rival. Take Abraham Lincoln for an example. Standing before ten thousand eyes, he’s obviously uncomfortable. His discomfort comes not from the thought of delivering his first inaugural address, but from the very ambitious efforts of well-meaning tailors. He's unaccustomed to such fancy clothing – formal black dress coat, silk vest, black pants and a glossy top hat. He holds a huge ebony cane with a golden head the size of an egg. So, there he is. He approaches the platform with his hat in one hand and his cane in the other, and he doesn't really know what to do with either. In the nervous silence that comes after the applause and just before the speech, he searches for a spot to put them both. He finally leans the cane in a corner of the railing, but he still doesn't know what to do with the hat. He could lay it on the podium, but it would take up too much room. Perhaps the floor. No, too dirty. Just then, and not a moment too soon, a man stepped forward and took his hat, returned to his seat, and listened intently to Lincoln's speech.
Come to find out, that man was Lincoln's dearest friend. The president once said of him, "He and I are about the best friends in the world." He was one of the strongest supporters during the early stages of Lincoln's presidency. He even had the honor of escorting Mrs. Lincoln at the inaugural grand ball. And as the storm of the Civil War began to boil, many of Lincoln's friends left. But not this one. He amplified his loyalty by touring the South as Lincoln's peace ambassador: he begged Southerners not to secede and Northerners to rally behind the president.
His efforts were great, but the wave of anger was greater. The country did divide, and civil war bloodied the nation. Lincoln's friend never lived to see it. He died three months after Lincoln's inauguration. Wearied by his travels, he succumbed to a fever and Lincoln was left to face the war alone. Upon hearing the news of his friend's death, Lincoln wept openly and ordered the White House flag to be flown at half-staff. Some have even suggested that Lincoln's friend would have been chosen as his running mate in 1864 and would thus have become president following the assassination of the Great Emancipator. No one will ever know for sure.
But we do know that Lincoln had one true friend. And we can only imagine the number of times the memory of him brought warmth to a cold Oval Office. He was a model of friendship. But he was also a model of forgiveness, because this friend could have just as easily been an enemy. That’s because long before he and Lincoln were allies, they were competitors – politicians pursuing the same office. Unfortunately, their debates are better known than their friendship: the debates between Abraham Lincoln and his dear friend, Stephen A. Douglas. But on Lincoln's finest day, Douglas set aside their differences and held the hat of the president.
Unlike the older brother, Douglas heard a higher call. And unlike the older brother, he was present at the party. And we would be wise to do the same. Wise to rise above our hurts. Because if we do, we'll be present at the Father's final celebration. A party to end all parties. A party where no pouters will be permitted. So, come on. Join the party. Be better – not bitter.
Grace,
Randy
