Familiarity Breeds Contempt
I said to myself, “I will watch what I do and not sin in what I say. I
will hold my tongue when the ungodly are around me.” But as I stood there in
silence — not even speaking of good things — the turmoil within me grew worse. The
more I thought about it, the hotter I got, igniting a fire of words: “Lord, remind me how brief my time on earth will be. Remind me
that my days are numbered — how fleeting my life is. You have made my life no
longer than the width of my hand. My entire lifetime is just a moment to you;
at best, each of us is but a breath.” (Psalm 39:1-5)
Abraham Lincoln once listened to the
pleas of the mother of a soldier who’d been sentenced to hang for the crime of desertion.
She begged the President to grant him a pardon. Lincoln eventually agreed, but
he left the lady with the following words: “If a man had more than one life, I
think a little hanging would not hurt this one; but after he is once dead we
cannot bring him back, no matter how sorry we may be; so the boy shall be
pardoned.” I think I know what the old rail-splitter had in mind. I’ve had a
little hangin’ over the years myself.
It was a beautiful Saturday mountain
morning, on a cold, crisp January. I was with a church youth group, and we had
gone to the San Bernardino mountains to play in the snow. Now, when you’re a
teen there’s nothing better than leaving all your energy out on a field of snow
– especially snow on a mountain slope with a toboggan. And we had found the
perfect spot to race my sled down the hill: a gradually descending slope
exiting onto a little-used road, and then on to another steeper slope that
ended in a long flat area to slide to a stop.
So, there I was on my toboggan,
holding a kindergartner in my lap, ready for the thrill of a lifetime. Well, it
almost was. You see, that little-used road that separated one slope from the
next was the end of a blind curve and, because of the previous night’s
temperatures, had been reduced to an asphalt slick. Compounding matters, it had
snowed the night before. And although great for skiing, powder is not the best
surface for bracing yourself when you need to come to a quick stop.
But there we were – me and my
friend’s younger brother. We had a lookout posted on the road, but I guess he was
drinking hot chocolate and not paying very close attention. Because when I
asked if the coast was clear, I got the green light and off we went. But it wasn’t
seconds later that I heard the lookout screaming that a car was coming around
the corner on that not-so-often-used road. Well, at that point, the only thing
I could think of was stopping the toboggan and trudging up the hill to have
another go at it. But there was just one problem: I couldn’t stop. The previous
night’s powder prevented me from getting the traction I needed to stop.
Panicked, I shoved the kindergartner of the sled and hoped for the best.
Well the best got me because when I
hit the asphalt, I came to an abrupt stop. The problem was that the car didn’t;
it didn’t even see me. And as I was wiping the snow from my eyes, lying on the
icy pavement, I saw the car’s rear tire – chains and all – roll over my leg.
Now, the good news is that, when you’re a teenager, you’re bullet-proof. So, I
hopped up from the near-tragic calamity none the worse for wear. But then came
the following morning.
I awoke that next morning to the
sight of chain-link bruises tattooed on my then-swollen knee, including the
accompanying pain that goes along with a 1 ton car stretching every ligament and
tendon within reach of its tread. Teenagers.
And then it hit me. What if I’d slid
just a little further? What if I hadn’t shoved that kindergartner off the sled?
What if I’d left just a moment sooner and taken the brunt of a front-end
collision. I began to sweat. And despite being a bullet-proof teen, I couldn’t
thank God enough. I still can’t. It was only a matter of minutes, maybe
seconds. And yet, to this day, I’ve thought, “I
could’ve been seriously hurt. Or worse yet, my friend’s brother might not have
made out so well.” The thought was numbing like the snow that cold,
January day, and equally convicting.
It was a little hangin’.
The stool had been kicked out from
under my feet and the rope jerked around my neck just long enough to remind me
of what really matters. It was a divine slap, a gracious knock up the side of
my head, a severe mercy. Because of it I came face to face with one of the
underground’s slyest agents — the agent of familiarity. And his commission from
the black throne room is clear: “Take nothing from your victim; cause him only
to take everything for granted.”
He’d been on my trail for years and I
never knew it. But I know it now. I’ve come to recognize his tactics, and
detect his presence. And I’m doing my best to keep him out. His aim is deadly.
His goal is nothing less than to take what is most precious to us and make it
appear most common.
For instance, he won’t steal your
salvation; he’ll just make you forget what it was like to be lost. You’ll grow so
accustomed to prayer you’ll forget to pray. Worship will become commonplace,
and study optional. With the passing of time he’ll infiltrate your heart with
boredom, and cover the cross with dust so you’ll be safely out of the reach of
change. Score one for the agent of familiarity.
He won’t steal your home from you,
either; he’ll do something worse. He’ll paint it with a familiar coat of
drabness. He’ll replace evening gowns with bathrobes, nights on the town with
evenings in the recliner, and romance with routine. He’ll scatter the dust of
yesterday over the wedding pictures in the hallway until they become a memory
of just another couple in another time. He won’t take your children, he’ll just
make you too busy to notice them. His whispers to procrastinate are seductive:
there’s always next summer to coach the team, next month to go to the lake, and
next week to teach Johnny how to pray.
He’ll make you forget that the faces
around your table will soon be at tables of their own. So, books will go
unread, games will go un-played, hearts will go un-nurtured, and opportunities
will go ignored. All because the poison of the ordinary has deadened our senses
to the magic of the moment.
Before you know it, the little face
that brought tears to your eyes in the delivery room has become — heaven forbid
— common. A common kid sitting in the back seat of your SUV as you whiz down
the fast lane of life. And unless something changes, unless someone wakes you
up, that common kid will become a common stranger.
A little hangin’ might do us all a
bit of good. Because, as the saying goes, “Familiarity breeds contempt.” Maybe
that’s what happened to Bernie Goetz.
Thirty-seven years old. Thin, almost
frail. Balding and bespectacled. An electronics buff. Law-abiding and tired.
Certainly not a description you would give a vigilante. But that didn’t bother
the American public, because when Bernhard Hugo Goetz blasted away at four
would-be muggers in a New York subway, he instantly became a hero. And it’s not
hard to see why.
Bernhard Goetz was an American
fantasy come true. He did what every citizen wants to do. He fought back. He punched
the villain in the face; he clobbered evil over the head. This unassuming hero
embodied a nationwide, even worldwide anger: a passion for revenge. People are
mad. People are angry. There is a pent-up, boiling rage that causes us to praise
a man who fearlessly (or fearfully) says, “I’m not going to take it anymore!”
and then comes out with a hot pistol in each hand.
We’re tired. We’re tired of being
bullied, harassed and intimidated. We’re weary of the serial murderers,
rapists, and hired assassins. We’re angry at someone, but we don’t know who.
We’re scared of something, but we don’t know what. We want to fight back, but
we don’t know how. And then, when a modern-day Wyatt Earp walks onto the scene,
we applaud him. He’s speaking for us! “Way to go, thug-buster; that’s the way
to do it!” Or is it? Is that really the way to do it? Think about it for just a
minute.
Anger. It’s a peculiar yet
predictable emotion. It begins like a drop of water. An irritant. A
frustration. Nothing big, really. Just an aggravation. Someone gets your
parking place. Someone else pulls in front of you on the freeway. A waitress is
slow and you’re in a hurry. The toast burns. Just little drops of water. Drip.
Drip. Drip. Drip.
But, accumulate enough of these
seemingly innocent drops of anger and before long you’ve got a bucket full of
rage. Raging revenge. Blind bitterness. Unharnessed hatred. We trust no one,
and bare our teeth at anyone who dares get near. We become walking time bombs
that, given just the right tension and fear, can explode – just like Bernie Goetz.
Now, is that any way to live? What
good has hatred ever done? What hope has anger ever created? What problems have
ever been resolved by revenge?
But what do we do? We can’t deny that
our anger exists. So how do we harness it? A good option is found in Luke
23:34. There, Jesus speaks about the mob that eventually killed him. “Father
forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” Have you ever wondered
how Jesus kept from retaliating? Have you ever asked yourself how he kept his
control? Here’s the answer. It’s the second part of his statement: “for they do
not know what they’re doing.” Look at it again. Carefully. It’s as if Jesus
considered this bloodthirsty, death-hungry crowd not as murderers, but as
victims. It’s as if he regarded them not as a militant mob but, as he put it,
“sheep without a shepherd.” “They don’t know what they’re doing.”
And when you think about it, they
didn’t. They hadn’t the faintest idea what they were doing. They were a stir-crazy
mob, mad at something they couldn’t see so they took it out on, of all people,
God. But they didn’t know what they were doing. And for the most part, neither
do we. We are still, as much as we hate to admit it, sheep without a shepherd
at times. All we know is that we were born out of one eternity and are
frighteningly close to another. We play tag with the fuzzy realities of life
and death and pain. We can’t answer our own questions about love and hurt. We
can’t keep ourselves out of war. We can’t even keep ourselves fed. Paul spoke
for humanity when he confessed, “I don’t really understand myself ….” (Romans
7:15)
Now, I know that doesn’t justify
anything. That doesn’t justify hit-and-run drivers, or kiddie-porn peddlers or
heroin dealers. But it does help explain why they do the miserable things that they
do. So my point is this: uncontrolled anger won’t better our world, but
sympathetic understanding will. Once we see the world and ourselves for what we
are, we can help. Once we understand ourselves we begin to operate not from a
posture of anger but of compassion and concern. We look at the world not with
bitter frowns but with extended hands. We realize that the lights are out and a
lot of people are stumbling in the darkness. So we light candles.
As Michelangelo said, “We criticize
by creating.” Instead of fighting back we help out. We go to the ghettos. We
teach in the schools. We build hospitals and help orphans … and we put away our
guns. “They don’t know what they’re doing.” There’s something about
understanding the world that makes us want to save it, even die for it.
Anger? Anger never did anyone any
good. Understanding? Well, the results aren’t as quick as the vigilante’s
bullet, but they’re certainly more constructive, and a whole lot better than a
little hangin’.
Grace,
Randy